flame on.

mk. so im leavin for india right after i take my psych final tday. wont be postin blogs/chattin online/sendin emails for a whole 3 weeks. will ya be able to handle it??? ima be stayin at my grandparents' house. yoo could call there bc i doubt they'd care bout me usin their phones but then again i doubt yood wanna pay that much for an overseas call. ill leave ya w/ this mental capacity test. its pretty hard. its only 4 questions long but i only got 3 of em right. i want yoo to actually try to think of the right answer b4 ya check out the answers... dont be a deutsch bag and look at the answers first bc thats just gay. ('have yoo ever seen mr rogers having sex w/ another man!?' sorry...i digress...) mk ppl, check it out [now, the funk soul brother...]:
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mental capacity test v 2
the questions are not that difficult.




















questions:

1. how do yoo put a giraffe into a refrigerator?




















the correct answer is:
open the refrigerator door, put in the giraffe and close the door.

this question tests whether yoo tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.




















2. how do yoo put an elephant into a refrigerator?




















wrong answer:
open the refrigerator door, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.

correct answer:
open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.

this tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.




















3. the lion king is hosting an animal conference. all the animals attend except one. which animal does not attend?




















correct answer:
the elephant.
the elephant is in the refrigerator.
this tests your memory. mk, even if yoo did not answer the first three questions correctly, yoo still have one more chance to show your abilities.




















4. there is a river yoo must cross. but it is inhabited by crocodiles. how do yoo manage it?




















correct answer:
yoo swim across. all the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting.

this tests whether yoo learn quickly from your mistakes. according to andersen consulting worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. but many preschoolers got several correct answers. anderson consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
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as i depart lemme just say that there are few if any things as beautiful/enjoyable/ wonderful/satisfying as gettin eye contact, then that special glance, then that special smile from the special girl yoove had your eye on for a whole 2 months.......wowza, can life get any better???

qotd: 'its all about the pause sibster, its all about the pause...'

~happy early bday to betsy~
~& hope yall have a totally kick-ass rest of the summer!!~

tday was AWESOME!! went out w/ maciej, altier, napes, and lil napes from 1.30-5. best day of my summer as of yet. wow. good times, good times. i soo wanted to take a pic of us all when we were roamin the streets of chicago but i forgot my damn camera in maciej's car. oh well. ive been gettin alotta requests to put up some new/original pics...have patience ppl. all in good time. psych and phil are almost over. i got finals on thurs/fri for both of em. shouldnt be too bad. my sister's studyin like crazy for orgo and difeq and im not doin anythin and im gettin the 'why can yoo just be like your sister?' once again. maybe its just me, but i cant wait till school starts, scratch that, till SENIOR YEAR STARTS!! in philosophy we were learin some reeeely heavy stuff tday. she told us to make a list of things we knew for sure. so we had 'there is a god', 'my parents love me', 'im in a phil 100 class right now', and 'im a guy'. all of the things we think we know for sure are based on 2 things. memory and perception. think of anything yoo know and just bout 99% chance it falls into either one of these 2 categories. however, both of these can be flawed at times. for example, there are times in all of our lives when we coulda swore somethin was one way but it actually wasnt. everybody's had that moment in the middle of a test when they knew the answer was somewhere in their noodle but they just couldnt remember. hence memory can at times be flawed. then there are optical illusions. usually when we see them now we know that both lines are straight or that they are the same length but at first glance it doesnt always seem that way. or take the classic example of 5 witnesses viewing a hold up. each one has a different story with different things added in or left out. hence, perception can at times be flawed. SO if memory and perception arent 100% infallible how can we base anything off of them? lets take the question of whether there are chairs in the room yoo are in (for argument's sake, lets say yoo can see chairs in the room). there is a truth value to every statement so either there are chairs or there arent. but if everything yoo base your knowledge on has the possibility of being flawed can we really say we know for sure?? just like if yoo bought a lottery ticket and there was 1 in 1 billion chances of winning. anyone who was being totally serious couldnt say that there wasnt any possibility of winning. there is a possibility but its reeely small. thats the same way w/ knowledge. theres a reeeely small possibility that we may be wrong. there may in fact be chairs in the room yoo are in. however yoo cant say yoo KNOW there are chairs because yoo dont have concrete evidence. if yoo've paid attention carefully enough yoo should be convinced that yoo do not KNOW anything really. who cares? if its true that we dont know anything, how can we go on living if we're not fully sure of anything at all? yes all our present assumptions about the world around us and/or how it will continue through time may in fact be correct but theres no way to be sure of this. this is the kinda crazy stuff we learn in that class. soooo interesting. we learned some stuff bout cognitive psych tday bout attraction and stuff. not like sexual attraction but more of a when ya go into a room of ppl who ya dont know, who ya decide yoo wanna chill w/ and y. theres basically 2 types of attraction. ones companionate which is what ya feel for your friends/family. the other one is romantic which is what ya feel for somebody your goin out w/ which entails intense physical/sexual desire. sadly, even if ya get married to somebody, the romantic attraction only lasts for 30 months max then it goes back to companionate. when it goes back to companionate this is when ppl are the most likely to break up if its a long term bf/gf relationship or even have a divorce if its a married couple. this explains how when 2 ppl are w/ each other for a while then they just separate and ya wonder how that happened after they were tgether for so long. this explains it. then she went into specifically y it goes back to companionate earlier in some couples then she started talkin bout sex and i started gettin drowsy bc i had only gone to bed reely late the night b4. when i woke up she was STILL talkin bout sex bc thats what her specialty is in and she loves to go into great detail bout it all. through her whole sex talk i picked up one thing basically. guys and girls shouldnt be afraid to touch each other. nononono not sexually touching but just touching in general. she said that in friendships/relationships where there is even friendly touching involved, studies have shown that the relationship, regardless of w/e level its on, will continue to flourish. wow. interesting stuff. hahaha, y im sharin this w/ yall i dunno. yall could prolly care less...

OH YEAH. heres a good one. i mighta already asked some of yoo this b4 but its still great to think about: mk, if yoo could change any 3 things bout yourself, body/looks/personality/friends/family/location/school/relationships/athletic ability/vars skills, ANYTHING at all that pertains to yoo in ANY way...what would yoo change? i would greatly appreciate it if yoo would lemme know what it is yood change but if ur the realllly reallly shy/insecure type or sumthin yoo can keep it to urself. thats ok too. but i just want yoo to give it a good thinkin over.

mk. so im leavin for india on friday. i got a whole list of ppl who want souvenirs/postcards. if ya want sumthin, lemme know...

qotd: 'If yoo are ever in doubt as to whether or not yoo should kiss a pretty girl, give her the benefit of the doubt.'

hehehe, word.

ok then. i got a phone call yest from the hospital askin me to come in tday to work at the flowerdesk. i sorta didnt want to bc its from 1-4.30 and thats like my whole saturday considering by the time i wake up/shower/eat its already 12. but still, its my fav thing to do here. usually when i go on thursdays im in a unit just doin stuff the nurses dont feel like doin themselves. 3 yrs ago i knew just bout all the nurses and i would often have very interesting convos w/ em. good times. the actually knew my name/face; i loved goin. now nurses are in high demand and the administration here at the hosp is pretty crappy so lotsa nurses just up and left. so now, just bout every time i go in, theres new ppl workin there. but still, flowerdesk remains my fav. its sorta self explanatory. the florists bring in their flowers and i deliver them to the patients. its really quite rewarding. it beats goin around w/ menus askin patients to fill em out or havin to go through it w/ em and every single of of em complaining bout the food. at first i was like, cmon, the stuff on this menu looks pretty good. then i actuall tried the stuff they give these ppl. tastes terrible. no wonder they can never get better eatin that nasty stuff. but the flowerdesk is enjoyable (OH YEAH! as an aside, just like how i tell my parents im goin for a pec then go out w/ somebody for a couple hrs, this is also sumthin that can work like that... just lemme know a saturday when ur free and we can chill from 1-4.30; the offer's on the table....) so im here for a couple hrs basically. then after that ima go to my cousins' place for the rest of the evening. as yet another aside, have you ever just outta nowhere had this monstrous craving for a specific food? and at that very moment yoo just HAD to get it by any means possible? there have been many times when in the middle of the night ive just crawled outta bed, gotten on my bike, and rode to jewel to get sumthin. last time it was those keebler cookie sandwiches. right now its koala yummies. i just gotta have em!! seriously, i have $8.75 on me right now and id give all of it for some koala yummies right now.

the other day i just wanted to cry. (NO im not gonna tell ya y...) call me a pussy, call me sensitive, i dont care. i wanted to but i held it in. just thinkin about it, its actually been like 3 whole yrs since ive actually cried long and hard. then i realized that ive often had this reflex to cry b4, never over physical pain really, but more like sumthin deeper, emotional maybe, or maybe sumthin even deeper/stronger than that. hwvr, each time i feel this urge i hold it in. normally im not the 'hold it in' type of guy. as some of yoo have heard me say 'i blv thoughts are like pee; if ya hold it in, its bad for yoo.' but w/ chics, they cry all the time. in what rulebook did it say its wrong for guys to cry but its ok for chics? im tellin ya, the ppl in the media/society have got our balls in a vice and we dont even know it. my bad, my sincere apologies, im ramblin again...

i went to a grad party yest as some of yoo know. it was an indian grad party so it was held at this indian rest. it was sorta awkward bc i didnt really know anybody there. the kid had graduated from hinsdale south so most of the kids there were goin to or had already graduated from there. after we ate they had a couple do performances and there were two indian dances. if yoove never seen an indian dance, its awesome. soo much better than the music vids jlo/spears pump out. its great stuff. then at the end they had an open dance floor. i was thinkin bout dancin but my parents were there and my sis too and i thought id be better if i refrained. then one lady was like 'next yr itll be yoo siby!' i thought about it and i made up my mind that theres no way i can have a grad party like w/ all my friends. ill err my parentsll prolly have one where they invite all their friends but i dont think i want to have one. my parents are crazy and id just be really awkward bc my parents act differently round my friends. ill just go to other ppls grad parties. and go out more often sr year. ima keep buggin them till they lemme go out w/ yoo guys. we'll see what happens...


im typin this for the 2nd time late at night. originally i typed it on a txt document at the hosp. then i tried to send it to myself but blogger/hotmail/netscape/yahoo were all blocked websites. so then on another comp i found a workin version of aim surprisingly bc it wont let ya install stuff anymore. it was a german version. so i debated lookin from one comp to another but since i was there for an hr more i just decided to write it all out. then i lost the damn sheet. ive got sooo much to do but i dont wanna do any of it. got a philosophy paper on morality due last monday but somehow i got a week extension on it. this has gone a bit long so ima gonna cut it short (?) here. gnight to all.

qotd: 'i'm never too busy for siby...'

jeeeez. so many ppl been askin me 'siby, when are ya puttin up the next post???' yes i know its been a whole 7 days but ive been busy...um...what? i have! also a buncha yoo have been askin me why i have 'if i had a shotgun...' on my AIM profile. its actually a really long story but hey, i guess i got time. OK then. i already put up a post bout how my laptop got sent off in my 7.7.03 post. my dad sent it off right b4 i went to texas and told me to transfer all of my stuff. i had 1 big folder called sibycrap. in this i had a sibyfiles folder w/ all my documents and other more important stuff, sibymusic, then sibymovies. when i came back home, like i said, the sibymusic folder wasnt there. i assumed that maybe i had just forgotten to put it in the main sibycrap transfer folder. shucks. well at least i had backed up sibyfiles/movies. AND since the hp ppl were only fixin the sound on the comp, they shouldnt really hafta reformat the whole computer so my music might still just be on there when i get it back. then the other day i had to finish the final draft of my psych paper. the rough draft was saved under sibyfiles. so i looked for it on my dads computer and found out that not all the stuff for sibyfiles had transferred! i checked movies and all those had transferred but sibyfiles was soo much more important bc you can always download movies again but theres no way i can get all that other stuff back. so i did in fact have my sibymusic folder in there, it just didnt get transferred over. still hopin they didnt reformat the comp... i wanted to ask my dad y he had stopped the transfer but at the time he was out for a dinner meetin at like the 95th restaurant atop the john hancock in chicago. so i had to wait till he came home to figure this all out. he came home and i blew up on him for stoppin the AIM transfer that i had set up btwn my laptop and his computer bc i had specifically told him b4 i left for texas that he shouldnt send in/turn off the laptop till everything had finished transfering. then he told me that after we had left the power had gone off and that it wasnt his fault that it had stopped. then for a lil while i felt bad that i had blown up at him bc it wasnt his fault. that lasted for approx 30 secs. then i realized that even if i did stop the transfer and he prolly knew that, shucks. but knowin there was a possibility that some of my stuff might still be on the laptop and knowin there was a possibility of the laptop gettin erased if i got sent in, he STILL sent it in w/o even askin me or waitin till i got back to see if it was all good. as someone aptly put it, 'man, you're dads an asshole!!' yeah. then that same day, the laptop came in and they had taken off all the users cept one. and somehow only my dad knew the password for that. it was round 11.30 so he said he wasnt gonna do anything w/ it till the next day. so the next day (yesterday) when i came home from class he logged in and there were a million icons on the desktop. the ppl had obviously upgraded everything on it, whoop-di-do. i opened 'my computer' and clicked on the c drive once....... the pic of the pizza pie that popped up on the left was all white w/ one sliver of grey(gray?). omg. b4 it had been sent off it had been 3/4 full and now its just bout empty. not a good sign. my dad had said the night b4 that he had asked them bout it and they said that if i had specific stuff in the c:/DATA folder it would prolly still be there hwvr everything should be backed up just in case. lucky me, it was that case. there wasnt even a data folder in the c drive. i was soo pissed off at him. then he asked me why i hadnt just made a cd of the sibyfiles folder if it was that important? (for a sec im like, dayum, thats a really good idea, y didnt i think of that?) then im like, if it was in a folder that was gonna transfer eventually, y would it be necessary to back it up yet again? he gave me some crap answer but i wasnt listenin. well, right now, i feel pretty happy that it wasnt my fault that it all got erased. ya know, in any situation, its great to have somebody to blame instead of yourself. but blamin him instead of him didnt really help my cause any. my sis/mom had just come back from the indian store and had gotten this hindi movie called 'dil se' (means 'from the heart') and the main character is my fav hindi actor.(on a lighter note, when i was younger i had a dream to grow up and be a movie star. not in hollywood bc there arent many indian guys on the american screen right now. ppl said i could try my hand at bein a taj or sumthin from van wilder... but i wanted to go to india and make movies and stuff. im from deep south india. they speak malayalam there. in most other parts of india they speak hindi. which is why most of you have heard of hindi as opposed to malayalam. but then i dont know hindi too well and just bout all indian movies are in hindi so sorta shot that dream outta the water...) i really wanted to watch the movie but i was just soo pissed i couldnt even stay in the same room w/ my dad. it was just repulsive this brewing hatred. i was talkin to this computer wiz online and he was tellin me sumthin like even if its not on the computer you can still see stuff that was on there. like when ya delete something from the recycle bin, its still there, just that you cant see it and it doesnt take up space. he said he wasnt sure if its the same thing if a whole hard drive gets reformatted but he'll look into it. hopeful yet doubtful. the last thing i told him was to find me a good virus for my dads comp... so im pretty pissed but im hopin the 'great escapeS' of tuesday and thursday will change that. (oh, btw kris, im ok w/ thurs K?) we'll see what happens. right now im sittin at uic (i basically live here...) listenin to a colplay cd and surfin the internet lookin for knowledge about things most ppl would say are a waste of time. i beg to differ, i mean, hey, couple days ago, in half an hour i figgerd out how to beat a polygraph test. lol, if ppl had a record of stuff i look up info online ppl would think im some disturbed/distressed kid. the joys of online anonymity. well ima head off to class so ill catch yall lata. K?

~CONGRATS TO CATI AND DERRICK!!~
~happy bday steve/pollitz~
~btw, if any of yoo want a postcard from india email me your name/addy and ill try to send ya a nice one, if its a souvenir ya want, lemme know what ur thinkin of and ill try my best to keep an eye out for it~

and finally, the quote of the day: 'hey man, if all else fails, pull the gay card...'

joy. class let out early tday. a whole 1 and a half hours early. found out theres an actual limit to stuff i can put on this blog...lil disheartening. anywho. well, story of the day from texas: while we were down there one of my sister's friends from college came and wanted to take her out. my mom said that my sis could only go if me and my cousins came w/. when we got there my sis wanted me and my cousins to scram bc she prolly wanted to catch up w/ her friend aka whos goin out w/ who, whos doin who sarahsarahsarah. so me and my two cousins went for a stroll round this hugemongous mall. (we tried to keep sharon at home bc if she saw somethin she wanted shed go crazy till she got it). so we were talkin and talkin bout all this diff stuff. then the older one started tellin me bout fashion and what she looked for in a guy.

'hair, eyes, clothes, abs yada yada yada'
'ok. thats nice'
'how bout you?'
'how bout me what?'
'what do you look for in a girl?'
'well id like somebody who's easy going, has a good sense of humor, doesnt care what other ppl think, free-spirited, laughs/smiles frequently...likes long walks...'(ok, no, i didnt say likes long walks)
'no i mean in terms of looks'
'well looks really isnt high up on my list'
'but still...'

after thinkin long and hard i couldnt say. like any tom, dick, or harry can rate a girl hot or not in approx 5 secs just by seein their face. but how does this work? like on this one survey i got, this chic was like:

hair: short, but long is ok too
eyes: blue, but green/brown are nice
height: tall, but short's not bad
sex: male, but female'd work too (im kidding ppl, im kidding...)

so like w/e a person has they have teh possibility of looking beautiful. (im talkin beauty as in terms of media here). a single person can find a person w/ long/short hair attractive, person w/ blue/green eyes attractive, person tall/short attractive. so if there are so many factors that go either way, what really determines whether a person is hot or not?? think about it. or maybe im just ramblin again... if so, my apologies, yeah, its been an extremely long day and its pretty late, almost 2...

here's my schedule:

1- spanish (denise)
2- chem/study hall
3- chem (farran)
4- lunch A
5/6- physics (vyborny)
7/8- math (rarf)
9- theo (ekpo)
10- english (dr b)
11-gov(logas? if it is, im droppin it. somebody said it was a mr bebe????)

lemme know your sched and/or if i got any classes w/ yoo. peace.

dammit. once again im sittin here at school way early. i just came back from texas last night. it was pretty fun. we were planning on goin to astroworld which is their version of six flags down there but my mom said it was too dangerous and wouldnt let me and my cousins go. b4 i left my dad had told me that he was gonna send in my laptop to be fixed. the internal speakers are busted but you can still hear stuff w/ headphones. my dad said he needed to send it in bc if he ever had to give a lecture w/ sound this one wouldnt work and hed have to rent/borrow a diff one. i think it was more outta spite. i dont do much if any work over the summer and im almost always on my laptop. my dad/mom get soo pissed off when they see me on it bc they assume theres nothing productive i could possibly be doin online, maybe true. he also likes to use it as a threat too. like at first i never got ready for summer school and then he goes 'if you dont get ready for one day i wont let you use the laptop for a week.' i had to get my act together bc the laptop/online was my only connection to the outside world; i cant talk on the phone, i cant go out w/ friends, no nothing. bein online is like goin to a party where all these ppl are and instead of just talkin to one person about 1 thing you can talk to 4 or 5 ppl bout 4 or 5 diff things. its like an out, a way to cope, for me while i serve time for this one more year....then....freedom at last... so i was pretty pissed off that he was gonna send off my laptop but i put up a transfer to send over all my files/music/[bootleg]movies onto his computer so if the ppl for some reason had to reformat the whole hard drive i wouldnt be in the sad state that machiej's in right now. rashly, i hacked into my dad's computer and made myself the administrator and made him the limited user. if you know anything bout an xp comp, you can only install programs go online sometimes or anything if ur the administrator bc on my dad's desktop he took off all the user priviledges of just my user. so i switched the administrative privileges from him to me and put a password on my user. my mom called my dad right b4 our plane took off from texas and he asked to speak w/ me and he was pretty mad bout what i had done. he said that he had to call the ppl and had a hard time but finally changed it. (its funny bc like after 8 or 9pm, when you call computer tech support it gets transferred to india or pakistan. all the ppl there have been trained to speak w/o accents but still when they put you on hold you can hear hindi music.) i didnt really care bc now that the laptop's gone theres absolutely NO WAY he can ground me at all. when i was small he used to hit me or pinch me but now i can wriggle away and/or fend him off. so when i got home he was reeely mad and wanted to know how i got into his account and changed it. 'howd you get into my account? did you change my password? howd you change it?' 'i dunno' 'dont lie to me siby' 'im not telling' this reeely got him flared up. oh well, i could really care less. so he said i could never touch his computer again. just great. i waited till my parents had fallen asleep then bein the rebel i am, i went on his computer to see if the transfer i had set up had completely finished. i found out that he had disconnected it b4 it had started transferrin any of my music. those ppl better not screw up my hard drive. again, i was gonna talk about beauty but im wayy too pissed off...

quote of the day:
'whats the magic word?'
'ummm...pistachio?'

ok. so i'm here in texas for the weekend. check it out: the youngest of the 3 girls always gets her way. tday my sister was puttin come moisturizing cream on my cousin bc she has some sort of rash. then this girl, sharon, who's sittin on my lap, decides to put some cream on me. this is unacceptable. for all those who know me im pretty finicky bout cream...lol. but she wanted to put some on me. i quickly push her off my lap and ward off her one-finger advances. everybody's (her parents, my parents, my sister, and her two sisters) tellin me just to let her put it on me. no. after the minor skirmish, i run downstairs and she starts screaming. y? i dunno. w/e she doesnt get her way she starts screaming. fine by me. she can scream all day long for all i care. so im lyin down on the couch downstairs just takin it easy hopin that after bout 10-15 mins shell forget why she was cryin and become a normal human being again. then the crying ceases miraculously and my uncle comes down and asks if i want to go to the store w/ all of them. i say sure and when i get up, i see sharon running to get me w/ a huge glob of the ungodly stuff on her finger. i grab a pillow from the couch and parry. then my cousin runs up and tries to hold me still. i grab her and try to keep her inbetween me and sharon. then my sister starts movin in to grab me and she enjoys the liberty of using violence to get what she wants be it punching, hittin, pinching sarahsarahsarah (HAHAHA). i run back upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom. i start debating if my main motive is just not to have cream on me or to finally have this upstart not get her way for once. then my mom comes up and tries to give me 'the talk.' i dont respond so she leaves eventually. then my cousins all go to the store. awww shucks, i dont get to go to H-E-B (that's their grocery store. not jewel or dominicks. H-E-B. one old lady came over to see my aunt yesterday and my sister/cousins were upstairs while i was watchin the simpsons on teh couch. she came in and wanted small talk so i politely stood up. after asking me my name/age/birthdate/height/weight, all in malayalam of course, she asks if ive been anywhere yet. so im like 'ummm H-E-B.' she cracked up. adults love me. . .scratch that. adults-who-are-not-my-teachers-and-not-my-parents love me). so im sittin here bored outta my mind. i only brought one cd of music and ive gone through it approx 35 times. i initially intended to talk about 'beauty' after inspiration from philosophy but the key-bored here is pretty loud and its gettin irritating. im here till monday. feel free to email...

god! i want to know my damn schedule!!! email me when yo0 get yours. danka, danka.

Pic of the Day

Blob of General Randomness:
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
test url
info url

great, just great...


muy occopado hoy, habra' mas manana...

yoyoyoyoyoyo. i got an email from shizuka tday (my japanese pen pal of course). im tryna write her (i thought she was a he and she's like, 'no i'm a girl'). yes, i am at school early once again. i think i found out where i mighta gotten my condescending attitude from. we had relatives come over yesterday from santa fe. they're on my dad's side but ive never seen em b4. my dad's the type of person like me wholl poke fun at just bout anything. but still, i dunno if its just when im on the recieving end or what... bc when they came over they asked what i wanted to do for a living and b4 i could say anything my dad like 'yeah, he wants to be a psychiatrist.' then goes on to say what a dumb job it is and how im gonna go crazy and totally smearing my dreams all over the ground. see, its not that i cant take it when somebody makes fun of me. like for example(s) when witt said i was destined to work at a 7-11 for the rest of my life or when reynolds was like 'yeah, thats sumthin you would find in siby's sock drawer...' (great times in physics last yr). i could take that but its diff when somebody totally ridicules what you think is best for your life not to mention in front of other people. i was crushed. well, not really crushed. frustrated. then tday as i was thinkin back, he always is makin fun of me. for bein to fat, for not gettin good enough grades, for wantin to be a psychiatrist, for actually giving a damn whether there's such a thing as morality. like he asked me the other day what i learned in class. i really didnt feel like talkin bout it to him bc he almost never asks me and i knew he was just tryna play the father figure and try to act like he was interested in what i was doin.

jack:What do you do?
tyler:What do you mean?
jack:What do you do for a living?
tyler:Why? So you can pretend you're interested? (if you havent seen fight club yet, GO OUT AND WATCH IT!!)

so maybe thats how i am why i am. its in my genes. maybe. anywho... have i talked bout how we learned bout parenting in psych? they said its actually good to have set limits w/ your kids and not just let em do w/e the hell they want. BUT there must be encouragement and rewards involved or the child will just give up trying. they gave the example of how a dog was in a two sided box and when they shocked on side of the box, the dog jumped to the other. when they shocked the other side, the dog jumped again (the animal rights ppl in our class went insane when they heard this). then they shocked both sides and the dog, knowing it couldnt do anything just went into a 'learned state of helplessness.' in most families when a child does sumthin good the parents give some sorta reward or sumthing. my mom pisses me off so much w/ this. i got my ACT scores back and shes like 'ok we'll go over to your cousins house tday.' but we were already gonna do that anyways. then i got my SAT score back that went up big time (liz, im tellin ya... ya gotta) and my mom's like 'ok you can go to texas.' but she was already gonna take me to texas. [oh, on an aside, i wasnt able to go b4, but we worked it out so that my mom would leave on wednesday and that i would leave on thursday after class. but now most likely im gonna miss thursday anyways to get to the airport in time for security and all. for some strange reason they always wanna pat me down and have me take off my shoes and stand up and turn around and all that stuff. they're just doin their jobs right? it couldnt possibly be bc they're discriminating against me bc i look like their typical terrorist, right? so when i heard, i told my cousin when she was online. then, afterwards, when my mom found out i had told she got all pissy and said that it was gonna be some 'big surprise' that me and my sister were comin too. what, she wanted to keep it a secret from me too? could told me, that mighta helped. then she asked my sister, 'wasnt you and your brother goin to texas a surprise?' of course, my sister says 'yeah. y? did siby ruin the secret?' total crap. (my sister ALWAYS agrees w/ w/e my parents say. especially w/ my mom. i am the total opposite. not usually that i mean it but just to be different bc my sisters always kissin up to my mom. 'kids does this look good for my lecture tnight?' my sisterd say sumthin like 'thats awesome mom. it looks great. go get em.' while id say sumthin like 'jeez mom! go change, ppl wont even want to listen to ya after lookin at ya! looks like ya went out and robbed a dead clown...' yeah. me and my sister are total opposites. shes a goody two shoes. even in college. i sorta got a kick outta when i got this email from her:

word to the wise Siby...don't drink 12 beers in one night. I was dead drunk last night and didn't even go to class today. But what does it matter, I never really go anyway.
pushpa

turns out one of her friends sent it. all her friends know computers really well and hacked into her email account and sent it to me. oh well.) oh yeah, back to texas. so my mom and sister got mad at me bc i ruined the surprise. nice surprise. thats 2 more ppl stayin at their house and they have 3 girls already. id sure as hell be pissed if i was callin some ppl over and they brought over some ppl and were like 'surprise. can these ppl sleep here too?' WHAT IS WRONG W/ MY FAMILY??] then i found out last week that i won 2nd place on this essay contest that kids from all over north america and europe participate in. whta did i get for that? 'we'll take you out to eat today.' christ! we were already gonna go out to eat!! that is y i have resorted to 'going' for more and more PEC's........if ya dont get my drift, just ask.

god, still got bout 30 mins till class starts. i didnt get a chance to meditate last night bc it was so late after my fam and my cousin's fam stopped talkin and after i took a shower and all that. for all of you who do not meditate regularly, i highly recommend it. its extremely relaxing. its almost exactly like what we did in slaj's but w/o the candle, flowers, and the 'now you see jesus walking along the beach towards you.' i basically reflect on my day, week, recent events etc. or sometimes if im really stressed out i try to calm myself by thinking of some of the great moments in life. like falling in love, a hot shower, a good convo, goin out w/ friends, or laughin at inside jokes or sumthin to that effect. if you've never done it just like sit in your room on your bed or something and turn out all the lights and sit up straight against the wall and just close your eyes and think. after bout 10 mins of deep meditation it seriously feels like you've just slept for a couple hours. its great stuff. sorry im ramblin here but ima head off to class. nothing wrong w/ bein a bit early. ill catch yall lata. (sorry this went a tad bit long...)

peace.

--oh yeah, thanks for the postcard nowo, ill see if i can find any good ones in india for ya--